Not long after I received my last of six college rejection letters (out of eight applications) my mom asked me if I wished I had taken fewer classes. I had loaded up my course schedule to impress colleges, and that strategy hadn’t worked out as planned. At first, my answer to her question was no, but then I thought about it more and realized the answer was more complex than a one-word answer. The only two classes I could have dropped were ones I really enjoyed. Dropping them would have meant missing out on impactful experiences. But I was also incredibly stressed for most of my senior year at Washington-Lee, and the additional work only exacerbated that issue.
More questions started plaguing me: Do I wish I had done fewer extracurricular activities? Should I have spent more time perfecting my college essays? Are my plans for college and my future an adequate justification for all of the stress I went through?
In the end, all of the second guessing boiled down to one common question—one that I realized I couldn’t answer outright. Was all of the pressure of my high school experience in Arlington worth it?
I decided to consult a few of my fellow graduating seniors. Like me, they didn’t quite know how to answer. Most began with one gut response, but then migrated to another, thinking aloud and discovering more nuanced considerations as they talked. “Sitting right here, it was definitely worth it, but if you had asked me while I was going through it, I probably would have said that it wasn’t,” says Emma Lehman, a Washington-Lee grad now planning to study English and neuroscience at the University of California Los Angeles. Remembering the time she put brewed coffee through her coffee maker (in place of water) to increase its potency so she could pull an all-nighter, she begins to change her answer. “Do I think that the level of pressure and stress that I was under is justified by the outcome?” she asks herself. “I can’t say, honestly. I don’t know.”
Some students thrive in Arlington’s competitive pressure cooker, Lehman observes, but others struggle. She says all of the people she knows either burn out from working too hard or don’t try hard enough. “I think we have this culture of glamorizing overworking yourself,” she says. “If you’re not super stressed out all the time, it’s like you don’t have anyone to relate to.”
Lehman cites peer pressure—rather than direct pressure from the schools and parents—as the primary source of her own stress.
Jamie Kang and Jordi Parry, both 2018 H-B Woodlawn grads, feel the same way. “I feel like we were all pushing trying to beat everyone else,” says Parry. More classes. More extracurricular activities.
Kang, who plans to attend the University of Virginia this fall, says H-B’s small classes meant that students became much closer and learned more about each other than students at the larger Arlington high schools. The competitive environment was a decent motivator in certain instances, she says, but “there were times that it was really harmful to me.” When fellow classmates would broadcast their ACT or SAT scores, she says she couldn’t help comparing herself to them, which only compounded the stress of the college application process.
Parry agrees: “I worked harder because of it, but that might not be a good thing.” While the intensity of his high school experience makes him feel prepared for the challenges of Northwestern University, he wonders if there should have been more time to relax in high school—because that relaxation isn’t guaranteed in college. “I think there are goods and bads,” he concludes.
Other students find themselves in a gray area as well. “That’s a difficult question to answer,” says Esteban Marmolejo-Suarez, who was admitted to George Mason University Honors College. “Gut instinct says no, but there’s more to it than that. I feel like I still would have found this path without the added stress of the environment.”
The “path” to which Marmolejo-Suarez is referring is theater, his intended major, which he discovered outside of school, separate from the academic encouragement of his teachers and parents. He says people have been “supportive but reluctant” about his decision. Some even consider it a phase. Though the desire to prove his talent was motivating—he had already directed two shows by the time he graduated—he can’t say whether the strain was worth it. He says he would have done many of the projects he is most proud of without prompting.
“I’ve sacrificed a lot, and it’s hard to think of what could have been,” says Hannah Karlin, an H-B graduate who will begin her freshman year at Amherst College this fall. Sleepless nights and panic attacks were a less-than-optimal part of her high school experience, but they did provide some valuable perspective. “I think it was worth it,” she says, “not because I excelled, but because now I know what I don’t want to do, exactly what I don’t want to repeat. I know how to grow.”
W-L graduate Sarah Conley, a future Notre Dame student, says that in retrospect, even the toughest struggles served a purpose. “I think the amount of work they give you is appropriate and that’s what’s going to prepare me for the future, but sometimes the delivery adds more stress and pressure than is necessary,” she says, alluding to one difficult teacher in particular from her junior year. “I’d walk into that class sometimes, and I’d be shaking. But when it’s all said and done, I know I’m going to have professors that I don’t get along with,” she says, and learning how to manage conflict is a skill. “Overall, I think it was worth it.”
Emily Brooks isn’t so sure. A Yorktown High School graduate on her way to Pomona College, Brooks is candid about her struggle with depression, which she says was amplified by her intense workload, busy schedule and teachers she perceived as unsympathetic. “I honestly don’t know what it was worth,” she says. “It ruined me mentally.”
Brooks recalls feeling like one teacher would look down on students who got grades less than A’s, assuming they weren’t working into the late hours of the night. Though she’s excited to swim for Pomona, she has mixed feelings as she heads to college: “I did put in a lot of hard work, but…I don’t know if that struggle was worth getting to where I am today.”
Katie Dodds, a W-L grad and admitted perfectionist who now heads to the University of Virginia, says the intense pace of her high school years came at a price. “I see myself and all my friends going through different issues with mental health, and I really think it comes from or is exacerbated by this environment,” she says.
Though her parents and friends frequently remind her to relax and take breaks, Dodds says that’s easier said than done. “I’m surrounded by all these high-achieving students and it makes me feel like I have to be as good as they are all the time at everything. I think that the Arlington school system needs to change in a lot of ways. It would definitely be helpful for them to add more resources to deal with the stress and pressure that they’re putting on us.”
In the end, all of the students I interviewed agreed that Arlington’s achievement culture has both benefits and consequences. When asked what advice they might impart to current high-schoolers, their comments ranged from the practical—Lehman recommends students take the ACT or SAT early so they have time to retake the tests if needed—to the introspective.
“Know your limits, and be ready to push your limits, but be willing to take a step back,” says Karlin. In retrospect, she recognizes that spreading herself too thin was a primary stressor.
Dodds offers similar assurances: “You’re going to end up where you’re meant to be. Go easy on yourself.”
Others advised making time to spend with family, learning how to take care of your mental health and nurturing healthy relationships.
Kang warns not to waste too much time worrying about trivialities. “Things are definitely going to go wrong, but just try to stay positive, and everything will work out,” she says. “Devote your time to the stuff that’s most important to you.”
My own personal conclusion? If we start allowing students to explore what they find important instead of only what makes them look good on a college application, they will grow up to be not only great students, but also great people. The world needs more of those right now.
Avery Erskine spent her “senior experience” as an intern for Arlington Magazine before graduating from W-L this month. She heads to the University of Virginia this fall.